by Dr. Noel Swanson.
It is often difficult to get your child to go to bed for two reasons. One, the child is in no mood to give up the activity and go to the quiet lonely bedroom and be deprived of the fun. Secondly, by the end of the day you are so tired that you long for some quiet moments all to yourself. Both of you are justified and that is where the clash of interest begins. The result is your child throws up a tantrum or comes up with some demand or the other that can postpone bedtime.
Statistics show that more than thirty three percent children refuse to go to bed before their parents.
So, if your child belongs to that category, here are some pointers that might help:
You can start by assessing how much sleep
your child needs. While most children below the age of 12 require about 10 to 12 hours sleep there are kids that need much less. Basically, younger children need more sleep and it goes on decreasing as they grow. If your child actually needs less sleep than what you are imposing on him, you are fighting a losing battle. Remember, you cannot force sleep on anyone. If you can’t sleep if you are not sleepy, how can you expect your child to fall asleep at your command? Your child functions very well on just 6 or 8 hours sleep. So be it! There is just no point fighting with them to go to bed 4 hours before they need to.
After a few days you will get a fairly good idea how much is your child’s genuine requirement of sleep. Then make sure he/she gets that much despite all odds. Kids will try to stretch their waking hours and they will keep pulling up one tactic or another to manipulate you to delay bedtime. For instance, they will ask for a drink or some such thing. They have a way of making you feel guilty or sorry for them. Don’t fall into the trap. You have given enough attention to them; now, it is their turn to observe bed time rules.
Clear about the rules? Okay, the third step is to put this into practice. Establish a bedtime routine. Again, the younger they are, the more important this is. Start well before the target bedtime and lead them through the steps: getting changed, doing teeth and bathroom, reading a story, lights out. Be willing to give them your full attention during this routine.
Finally, put the lights out, whether they are asleep or not. Be firm and calm. Make it clear that you expect them to stay in bed. Some children can’t sleep in the dark room; so leave the door open or a night-light for them. If your child likes music, you could put on some gentle, soothing music too.
All this is fine, but if the child gets out of bed, or calls for your attention, then you need to judge the situation calmly. If the need is genuine, cater to it without giving them too much attention so that it doesn’t become a routine affair.
Children are inventive; they will invent excuses, problems. One way to tackle this is to set a timer and tell them that you will check on them in ten minutes, if they stay in bed. The trick is to begin with a small time and then gradually increase it. Make sure you live by your promise, but don’t overstay. Just come and tuck them in, caress them and leave.
If the child takes very long to sleep you may have to repeat this routine twice or thrice till he falls asleep. You can go on increasing the intervals till he is asleep. In the beginning it will involve a lot of work, but if you do this consistently then they will learn to stay in bed and it will become part of the daily routine.
Make sure you keep it all positive by praising them for staying quietly in bed. And make sure that you fulfill your promise by actually coming and checking on them when you said you would - a good reason to use a timer to remind you!
If your child gets up before your next check, you can do the following:
First, be firm and send him back to bed. Don’t get flustered and don’t shout; just make it clear that you are serious. Then remind him that you will be up to tuck him in again, but after the ten minutes which will start now. Having done that, just ignore him until the time for your next check.
Remember to reward your child for staying nicely in bed. Make a star chart or something similar to encourage him.
Original post by Dr. Noel Swanson. and software by Elliott Back